The bOOb Lady’s Blog

Please welcome to the world the cover for my book, available this October from Seal Press. Give it up for my girls, please!

Are sexy lingerie models (wearing little more than Santa hats) tempting you to enter the wild and wacky world of intimate apparel purchasing? Perhaps you’d like to buy your sweetie an attractive bra and panty set, to lift her…holiday spirits. But you cruised some internet sites and got bogged down by all the styles and sizing choices. Never fear. The Boob Lady is here to help. All you need are these three simple rules.

Rule #1: Think Outside the Bra. For you, lingerie is a lot like gift-wrapping: nice to look at but more fun to remove. For her it’s about comfort, fit and practical care in a stylish (read sexy, not trashy) package. You know what she likes and dislikes in her outerwear, so apply that knowledge to what lies beneath. Is she more comfy in jeans and tees or dressed up in high heels? Does she wear subtle patterns or pastels, or prefer bold, bright, and shiny colors? Steer clear of heavily textured, accessorized or armored garments that show more of themselves than her figure. Strive for flirty and functional and she’ll wear your gift more often.

Rule #2: Guarantee the Fit. You’ve made the perfect choice and are ready to complete your purchase. But you’re frozen by the question from the helpful sales clerk: “so….what’s her size?” (Note: “average” is not a size.) You could go home and rummage through her clothes drawers, trying to read the faded, multi-numbered and lettered tags. Then there’s the question of which size is really the right one, since different manufacturers’ bras don’t all fit alike. (The Boob Lady doesn’t need to tell you that buying her the wrong size does nothing to warm the fires of her heart, much less your hearth.) Glance at some price tags and buy a gift card in that amount. Think that’s too boring? Not if you make your gift more memorable with Rule #3.

Rule #3: Packaging Counts. A beautifully wrapped present is more exciting to open. Don’t just stick your gift card in an envelope, and toss it under the tree. Ask the sales clerk to put it in a special box with sachets for her dresser, or fancy soaps and lotions for her bath. Pick out some cute panties (hint: medium is a size) to let her know what you’d like to see her wear. Consider adding your own homemade certificate: offering a foot massage, a dinner out, or get-a-way without the kids.

Play your Santa cards right, and you’ll give her a gift that keeps on giving, all year round!

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